Human's nature

Greetings earthlings.

It's the year twenty eleven. In a cold dark room of eastern humid Singapore, I write about my woes and the cruelty of life.

Just kidding. I just feel like gathering my thoughts today. Here are some of them for you to get mad at me for.

Firstly, I'm just curious on why so many people are trying so hard to be what the world's defining as cool. Look at the massive attention seeking things that they will put themselves through on these addictive time wasting social networking sites. Why crave so hard to be accepted by a society that is crumbling and not beneficial? I'm okay if one uses it moderate to connect to friends, learn from one another and to share lives but you know you are in trouble if your friends tell you that your character on the internet is way different from who you really are in reality.

Secondly, I'm also deeply bothered by how one can speak and write words with an agenda, but claim that the motive is of another. It's akin to saying, "I don't blame you but it's your fault and you are in the wrong for sure." Or I just want you to know that your actions might be deemed stumbling to me so please stop. However, i'm not against your actions." Okay. It doesn't sound convincing at all and i'm too tired to rack my brains for a better illustration but i hope you get the drift. Oh yeah, another real life encounter, "It's your spiritual life, not mine. I don't care."

See what i mean? Your choice of words shows your motives. So pick yours wisely and it isn't difficult at all to see if one really cares. The tone of words, voice and choice of words depicts your intentions as clear as crystal. Some for a good cause, some for a not so good one. And so unfortunately, i can tell and discern it quite easily. So friends whom I've thought were my friends said some pretty nasty stuffs and claimed they were joking or some lame ass encouraging stuffs with some poor choice of words that made me realized they weren't really intending what they wrote, spoke or expressed.

I was initially, saddened, then depressed and i thought being a loner was a sure win situation. But i was wrong. God's good all the time. He gave me true friends that cared. He gave me a loving family and that includes my relatives. He taught me about relationships and on how i can build a better one with him. Though i'm still struggling hard to keep up with what he have installed for me, the ugly circumstances and obstacles that are being a pain, i know that he will always be there for me. Though I've failed him daily, his love never fails. He healed a broken hearted me and taught me how to trust people again.

You know i had this feeling today. The one where no one is really your friend anymore because of the things you've done in the past or present. I had a hard time connecting with God too because of many sinful things that are hindering me from going into his presence, not to mention many pending issues and upcoming decisions that I've to make that's giving me headaches and sleepless nights. But i'm still thankful for God, his assurance and his word. No matter how broken i am, no matter how many scars I've gotten over the years. I know that God will heal my heart and make it whole again. Tough times don't last, tough people do.

Faith, hope, love. How wretched i may be, you still died for me. I can never describe my gratefulness in words.

2 Cor 4:8-9

⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Honeystars

2 posts in one week is way too much. But i feel like penning down some thoughts.

I think i'm beyond redemption in the area of being a good steward of my finance; spending money and taking cabs so frequently. I've always wanted to give more to the kingdom but somehow, the unnecessary cabs and spending on my wants depletes my money at such an incredibly fast rate. I know i'm not trying hard enough. Like all human beings, i love making up excuses and to procrastinate. I know i need to rid myself of this habit. It's nearly close to an addiction because of the lack of self discipline to wake up early etc;

Today God spoke to me about how i might unknowingly have stumbled others with my action and how my words have been defiled with poison from Satan. Sometimes, we think that being ourselves devoid us of any mistakes but often, a change in ourselves is required because nobody is ever perfect. In fact, changes will occur throughout our whole life. A change is needed to be a better person. God's way of molding us to be who he want us to be. I admit that i need to change in my ways, especially with *ahem*. I shall not elaborate on that. But, the crux of this is to be open to changes and options in life.

Next, i would like to casually mention about what we Christians call spiritual life. I sometimes get annoyed when people compare each other's spiritual life, and recently, i happen to chance upon a.. journal of a friend. Although not doing too well, this person still worries and pinpoint at the life of others. I don't know how to break the news to that person but God really made me touched my heart. I need to look at my life first before i help others. It is extremely dangerous to be unaware of how you are doing. The devil is sly, he makes you think otherwise and before you have enough time to react, you are already misled.

The truth is this. There are only 2 sides in this battle. With God, or without. Being a believer, or a non-believer. Being a christian, or a non-christian. Why classify the level of spirituality? It's either you do what a christian do, or you be like the rest that do not follow what a Christians do. There is no in between. Wait. Actually there is. They're labeled as lukewarm and God hates people to be in that category. I don't know how to emphasize further on the fact that no man is stronger than the other or given a special advantage by God. We're all made the same and even the Pastor MIGHT not do as spiritually well one day. Man made of flesh and blood and that is how vulnerable we are. My only warning today is, guard your heart and always seek for wisdom to discern if you're doing the right thing. This is seriously really scary but i know if i stay closely under the shadows of God, nothing shall harm me. Go away Satan.

That's all i got to say. Bedtime.

Rants again

I think i am degrading physically by the minute. I feel feverish and cold. And yes, i'm feeling pretty darn awful as i type this. And oh, matters concerning every little single thing in my life just keeps playing on replay at the back of my head. I want to swear, i want to smash my guitars. Just kidding. I do not want to smash my guitars. But i want to swear that.. i shall rid the world of people who have been so very unkind to me behind my backs. I won't call you names cause i'm more than that. I won't blame you because obviously you are blinded by what people call emotions. But i do hope you do learn to control the words and tone that you use on me in the future. Thank you very much.

Okay. I need help. Maybe i should see a psychiatrist. It tickled me after i spotted a 'chia' in the word psychiatrist. Don't ask me why. Anyway, you're not suppose to be reading this. If you are still reading, please proceed to the nearest bed and take a nap cause.. i'm sick of writing and complaining. Good night. Smurf you friends and foes.

And i have been writing somewhere else. This might be a lie. I just want to screw with your mind.

11 more months

Exactly 11 more months to ORD. Life is just about to get interesting.

Over the past week, I've been bombarded with so many problems and new responsibilities. As much as i would like to complain and rant, i know this is just another phrase of life that i have to go through. I really need more wisdom especially in the choice of words that i use. I tend to get insensitive although i have the gift of discerning. It's kind of weird if you think about it. I really have to learn to use my gifting better.

I'm thankful for the people that take time off to talk to me regarding matters of the heart, deep into the heart of the matter.

It's going to be a crazy week. But if this is your plan and will for me. I'll do it gladly.

Been praying more than usual and God threw all this at me over the past week.

It's never smart to pretend to be the smartest. It is in fact stupid to think that you are never stupid. Humble yourself. Accept changes and always be open to options. Admit that you will never be correct all the time. Listen earnestly to God, read his word. Learn and apply, mould your character and it will give you the right attitude.

Here we go again.

With all your heart, seek God.

I finally have time to pen down my thoughts! I'm fortunate to be serving my national service in a place where flexibility and time is always at the grasp of my hands to play with. It's funny how i use to complain about working in such a boring place. But the truth is, it is my mentality that keeps me from being productive at work. I've found so many different ways to make work more interesting and i'm afraid to say.. i'm starting to enjoy it.

Anyhow, to get back on track. I truly want to dedicate this post to HOPE Conference 2011. I am thankful for the people that put time and blood into making it into such a wonderful experience for everyone. It was truly amazing. I had a few breakthroughs and it was seriously a God moment. If you were there, you would have known how the atmosphere was like. The holy spirit in the whole of Singapore indoor stadium was clearly evident. You could say i was crying like a baby inside. I felt so lousy before the conference but i promised myself that i want to make something out of my money and time. I prepared my heart and came with high expectations and God indeed is a God of mercy. I felt the grace of God strongly and it guided me, paved and gave me a clearer vision on my path on earth. I've been praying and seeking the lord for so long for that but now i know..

As i was praying on the first day, God prompted me with some questions. Why is music so important to you? Will you give it up for me? Will you sell your instruments and go where i want you to? Deep down from the bottom of my heart, i know that i would but i still did not have 100% faith that God will actually be able to lead me to somewhere else that i will enjoy more than making music. All of a sudden with that thought, God knocked some sense into me. I sort of felt guilty that i've been prioritizing music too much in my life. It has unknowingly become an excuse for everything. Example of my excuses, "I feel lethargic when i go to work because i practice till late." "I do not feel like going to work because i feel i'm wasting my 'practice' time doing nonsense at work." "I do not wish to attend this meeting or participate in certain activities because i want to practice more." Instead of sulking and dwelling in my negativity, i could have fellowship more with my camp mates, glorifiy the lord through my work and tasks, read the word or things that will benefit me. These will surely be more wise than wasting each day as it is and counting the days till i ORD.

I really thank God for letting me in on this one. I've really learn that we should be a true follower to God. Whenever or wherever he call us to go, we must obey. After all, he won't harm us, I clearly remember all 4 of the guests panels during the conference quoting Jeremiah 29:11. No one knows what is best for himself but most of us choose to follow what we think is best for ourselves. It might not be wrong but it might not be right either. Seek God daily and get refreshed. Day by day, bit by bit, God will slowly reveal to us the plans that he have for us. I am really really assured and i know that with each stumbling i block i overcome, i am nearer to fulfilling God's plan for me.

And by the way, i am still certain God wants me to do music. But i have to do it the God way. It so happens that i manage to form a 'Christian' band and we'll be jamming 3 worship songs tomorrow. I really hope this will not be a time of just having fun but to also learn and fellowship with christians from other churches. Music is really universal and it brings people today. So why not bring all musicians that truly has a passion and cause to do something great with music to fulfill the great commission? That will be something i have to work on. I am still glad that a few people that i have converse with in the band are truly genuine and are passionate for music. Can't wait!

Before i go, i would also like to thank some of the members in church that came up to me and told me that they sense deeply that God wants me to do something. I won't elaborate on that because it will take forever. But i know that, if that's what he wants. That is where i will go. I am also deeply encouraged and blessed that God has planted such words into my heart, renewing my confidence and faith for him.

OUT.

Things that excites me.

1) Malaysia trip tomorrow.

2) Church conference over the weekends.

3) Jamming session with a new band next Friday.

4) Batam trip in September.

5) Planning of South Africa trip with family.

6) Many 3-4day work weeks for the month of August.

7) Less than a year to ORD.

:)

The Flame

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep.
I'm in too far, I'm way to deep.