Caleb Glen

Human's nature

2011-10-22T01:39:00.012+08:00

Greetings earthlings.

It's the year twenty eleven. In a cold dark room of eastern humid Singapore, I write about my woes and the cruelty of life.

Just kidding. I just feel like gathering my thoughts today. Here are some of them for you to get mad at me for.

Firstly, I'm just curious on why so many people are trying so hard to be what the world's defining as cool. Look at the massive attention seeking things that they will put themselves through on these addictive time wasting social networking sites. Why crave so hard to be accepted by a society that is crumbling and not beneficial? I'm okay if one uses it moderate to connect to friends, learn from one another and to share lives but you know you are in trouble if your friends tell you that your character on the internet is way different from who you really are in reality.

Secondly, I'm also deeply bothered by how one can speak and write words with an agenda, but claim that the motive is of another. It's akin to saying, "I don't blame you but it's your fault and you are in the wrong for sure." Or I just want you to know that your actions might be deemed stumbling to me so please stop. However, i'm not against your actions." Okay. It doesn't sound convincing at all and i'm too tired to rack my brains for a better illustration but i hope you get the drift. Oh yeah, another real life encounter, "It's your spiritual life, not mine. I don't care."

See what i mean? Your choice of words shows your motives. So pick yours wisely and it isn't difficult at all to see if one really cares. The tone of words, voice and choice of words depicts your intentions as clear as crystal. Some for a good cause, some for a not so good one. And so unfortunately, i can tell and discern it quite easily. So friends whom I've thought were my friends said some pretty nasty stuffs and claimed they were joking or some lame ass encouraging stuffs with some poor choice of words that made me realized they weren't really intending what they wrote, spoke or expressed.

I was initially, saddened, then depressed and i thought being a loner was a sure win situation. But i was wrong. God's good all the time. He gave me true friends that cared. He gave me a loving family and that includes my relatives. He taught me about relationships and on how i can build a better one with him. Though i'm still struggling hard to keep up with what he have installed for me, the ugly circumstances and obstacles that are being a pain, i know that he will always be there for me. Though I've failed him daily, his love never fails. He healed a broken hearted me and taught me how to trust people again.

You know i had this feeling today. The one where no one is really your friend anymore because of the things you've done in the past or present. I had a hard time connecting with God too because of many sinful things that are hindering me from going into his presence, not to mention many pending issues and upcoming decisions that I've to make that's giving me headaches and sleepless nights. But i'm still thankful for God, his assurance and his word. No matter how broken i am, no matter how many scars I've gotten over the years. I know that God will heal my heart and make it whole again. Tough times don't last, tough people do.

Faith, hope, love. How wretched i may be, you still died for me. I can never describe my gratefulness in words.

2 Cor 4:8-9

⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Honeystars

2011-09-14T23:32:00.011+08:00

2 posts in one week is way too much. But i feel like penning down some thoughts.

I think i'm beyond redemption in the area of being a good steward of my finance; spending money and taking cabs so frequently. I've always wanted to give more to the kingdom but somehow, the unnecessary cabs and spending on my wants depletes my money at such an incredibly fast rate. I know i'm not trying hard enough. Like all human beings, i love making up excuses and to procrastinate. I know i need to rid myself of this habit. It's nearly close to an addiction because of the lack of self discipline to wake up early etc;

Today God spoke to me about how i might unknowingly have stumbled others with my action and how my words have been defiled with poison from Satan. Sometimes, we think that being ourselves devoid us of any mistakes but often, a change in ourselves is required because nobody is ever perfect. In fact, changes will occur throughout our whole life. A change is needed to be a better person. God's way of molding us to be who he want us to be. I admit that i need to change in my ways, especially with *ahem*. I shall not elaborate on that. But, the crux of this is to be open to changes and options in life.

Next, i would like to casually mention about what we Christians call spiritual life. I sometimes get annoyed when people compare each other's spiritual life, and recently, i happen to chance upon a.. journal of a friend. Although not doing too well, this person still worries and pinpoint at the life of others. I don't know how to break the news to that person but God really made me touched my heart. I need to look at my life first before i help others. It is extremely dangerous to be unaware of how you are doing. The devil is sly, he makes you think otherwise and before you have enough time to react, you are already misled.

The truth is this. There are only 2 sides in this battle. With God, or without. Being a believer, or a non-believer. Being a christian, or a non-christian. Why classify the level of spirituality? It's either you do what a christian do, or you be like the rest that do not follow what a Christians do. There is no in between. Wait. Actually there is. They're labeled as lukewarm and God hates people to be in that category. I don't know how to emphasize further on the fact that no man is stronger than the other or given a special advantage by God. We're all made the same and even the Pastor MIGHT not do as spiritually well one day. Man made of flesh and blood and that is how vulnerable we are. My only warning today is, guard your heart and always seek for wisdom to discern if you're doing the right thing. This is seriously really scary but i know if i stay closely under the shadows of God, nothing shall harm me. Go away Satan.

That's all i got to say. Bedtime.

Rants again

2011-09-13T23:21:00.006+08:00

I think i am degrading physically by the minute. I feel feverish and cold. And yes, i'm feeling pretty darn awful as i type this. And oh, matters concerning every little single thing in my life just keeps playing on replay at the back of my head. I want to swear, i want to smash my guitars. Just kidding. I do not want to smash my guitars. But i want to swear that.. i shall rid the world of people who have been so very unkind to me behind my backs. I won't call you names cause i'm more than that. I won't blame you because obviously you are blinded by what people call emotions. But i do hope you do learn to control the words and tone that you use on me in the future. Thank you very much.

Okay. I need help. Maybe i should see a psychiatrist. It tickled me after i spotted a 'chia' in the word psychiatrist. Don't ask me why. Anyway, you're not suppose to be reading this. If you are still reading, please proceed to the nearest bed and take a nap cause.. i'm sick of writing and complaining. Good night. Smurf you friends and foes.

And i have been writing somewhere else. This might be a lie. I just want to screw with your mind.

11 more months

2011-08-14T21:44:00.009+08:00

Exactly 11 more months to ORD. Life is just about to get interesting.

Over the past week, I've been bombarded with so many problems and new responsibilities. As much as i would like to complain and rant, i know this is just another phrase of life that i have to go through. I really need more wisdom especially in the choice of words that i use. I tend to get insensitive although i have the gift of discerning. It's kind of weird if you think about it. I really have to learn to use my gifting better.

I'm thankful for the people that take time off to talk to me regarding matters of the heart, deep into the heart of the matter.

It's going to be a crazy week. But if this is your plan and will for me. I'll do it gladly.

Been praying more than usual and God threw all this at me over the past week.

It's never smart to pretend to be the smartest. It is in fact stupid to think that you are never stupid. Humble yourself. Accept changes and always be open to options. Admit that you will never be correct all the time. Listen earnestly to God, read his word. Learn and apply, mould your character and it will give you the right attitude.

Here we go again.

With all your heart, seek God.

2011-08-04T23:01:00.006+08:00

I finally have time to pen down my thoughts! I'm fortunate to be serving my national service in a place where flexibility and time is always at the grasp of my hands to play with. It's funny how i use to complain about working in such a boring place. But the truth is, it is my mentality that keeps me from being productive at work. I've found so many different ways to make work more interesting and i'm afraid to say.. i'm starting to enjoy it.

Anyhow, to get back on track. I truly want to dedicate this post to HOPE Conference 2011. I am thankful for the people that put time and blood into making it into such a wonderful experience for everyone. It was truly amazing. I had a few breakthroughs and it was seriously a God moment. If you were there, you would have known how the atmosphere was like. The holy spirit in the whole of Singapore indoor stadium was clearly evident. You could say i was crying like a baby inside. I felt so lousy before the conference but i promised myself that i want to make something out of my money and time. I prepared my heart and came with high expectations and God indeed is a God of mercy. I felt the grace of God strongly and it guided me, paved and gave me a clearer vision on my path on earth. I've been praying and seeking the lord for so long for that but now i know..

As i was praying on the first day, God prompted me with some questions. Why is music so important to you? Will you give it up for me? Will you sell your instruments and go where i want you to? Deep down from the bottom of my heart, i know that i would but i still did not have 100% faith that God will actually be able to lead me to somewhere else that i will enjoy more than making music. All of a sudden with that thought, God knocked some sense into me. I sort of felt guilty that i've been prioritizing music too much in my life. It has unknowingly become an excuse for everything. Example of my excuses, "I feel lethargic when i go to work because i practice till late." "I do not feel like going to work because i feel i'm wasting my 'practice' time doing nonsense at work." "I do not wish to attend this meeting or participate in certain activities because i want to practice more." Instead of sulking and dwelling in my negativity, i could have fellowship more with my camp mates, glorifiy the lord through my work and tasks, read the word or things that will benefit me. These will surely be more wise than wasting each day as it is and counting the days till i ORD.

I really thank God for letting me in on this one. I've really learn that we should be a true follower to God. Whenever or wherever he call us to go, we must obey. After all, he won't harm us, I clearly remember all 4 of the guests panels during the conference quoting Jeremiah 29:11. No one knows what is best for himself but most of us choose to follow what we think is best for ourselves. It might not be wrong but it might not be right either. Seek God daily and get refreshed. Day by day, bit by bit, God will slowly reveal to us the plans that he have for us. I am really really assured and i know that with each stumbling i block i overcome, i am nearer to fulfilling God's plan for me.

And by the way, i am still certain God wants me to do music. But i have to do it the God way. It so happens that i manage to form a 'Christian' band and we'll be jamming 3 worship songs tomorrow. I really hope this will not be a time of just having fun but to also learn and fellowship with christians from other churches. Music is really universal and it brings people today. So why not bring all musicians that truly has a passion and cause to do something great with music to fulfill the great commission? That will be something i have to work on. I am still glad that a few people that i have converse with in the band are truly genuine and are passionate for music. Can't wait!

Before i go, i would also like to thank some of the members in church that came up to me and told me that they sense deeply that God wants me to do something. I won't elaborate on that because it will take forever. But i know that, if that's what he wants. That is where i will go. I am also deeply encouraged and blessed that God has planted such words into my heart, renewing my confidence and faith for him.

OUT.

Things that excites me.

2011-07-29T00:10:00.004+08:00

1) Malaysia trip tomorrow.

2) Church conference over the weekends.

3) Jamming session with a new band next Friday.

4) Batam trip in September.

5) Planning of South Africa trip with family.

6) Many 3-4day work weeks for the month of August.

7) Less than a year to ORD.

:)

The Flame

2011-07-20T00:08:00.001+08:00

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep.
I'm in too far, I'm way to deep.

Music direction

2011-07-04T01:22:00.004+08:00

Hahahaha. I laughed at my previous post. I'll keep that one though.

Anyhow, i've not been touching the guitar much for the past few days. I've been thinking about my music direction and even more after Jobb imposed on me two very important questions that will define how my music defines me. I've pondered about them for a long time and these questions have crossed my mind several times actually. Here they are,

What is music to you?

Why do i make music for?

These may be the simplest of questions but if you think hard enough, you will come to realize that they will affect how one will be as a musician. A man will only be as strong as his beliefs. Heard of this one?

There is no right and wrong answer but i do not intend to pen down mine today for it will certainly be time consuming. In fact, i already have the answers written in another old journal and i happened to realize that i've been side tracking all this while. I've been far too distracted and i've strayed from my goal, the reason why i even started picking up the guitar. Nevertheless, i thank God for giving me the opportunity and reminder. I'm so excited for the future.

Guess what. It's been so long and so many failed attempts but this time I'm going to be serious on this one. I've to get a serious band going. I've been listening to every genre on planet earth and I'm closing down on the ones where i guess, will be just right for me.

Bands such as U2, Coldplay, King of Leons, Maroon 5, RHCP and individual artists like Jimi Hendrix, John Mayer, Clapton, Slash and the likes. Rock Blues Funk Jazz. I've got to find a band that can incorporate all these into one.

It's time to start looking. I want my music to change lives. Who's with me?

Pissed.

2011-06-28T20:12:00.004+08:00

Hey. Please do not treat me better than others. I do not want it. I despise unfair treatment.

Likewise, it's kind of disappointing that people that i deemed friends come to me only when they need help or answers.

I always have this etched in my mind. The only reason why i love is because you first loved me. I have never expected anything in return but it's just so difficult to love a person i call friend who makes my enemies look so good.

I know now. I'll just stick with people who at least have the decency to return the favor when i need one badly and quit talking behind my back. Why should i bother to care so much if one can be so stubborn, stuck up and ungrateful. I'm okay if you're doing just that but i'm tired of the pretense and whole acting friendly, appreciatively and lovey thing just because your religion tells you so. Frankly, i'm quite sick of this whole love thing too. Maybe i'm not spiritual enough to comprehend love and so i suck at it. Really. Do i deserve this? Oh well.

I've never asked for a thank you or even the money you borrowed but to write me off just like this simply pisses me off.

Regards,

A pissed off friend.

Wow. That felt good. I needed this. Forgive me. And if you are considering to ask me who am i referring to. Guess what. It's you. Guilty as charged.

Life as it is

2011-06-14T21:39:00.004+08:00

It's been long since i've written.

Life has been busy. I'm currently using my expertise.. which is IT, to help out in this year's Army Promotion Ceremony. This is really unexpected because i deeply doubt i could be of use to help out in this field initially. If i disclose my GPA, you'll know why. Anyhow, It's quite a grand event and i'm actually quite proud to be a part of this. Although down right up, i dislike the idea of going through this 2 years of.. okay, never mind.

Next July the 13th would be my first year mark in serving the nation. That would be in slightly less than a month's time. Time truly flies. Another year and i'll be out either studying something i dislike, or doing something i like that doesn't promise me and my future family a comfortable life. What a dilemma. But i'm still confident God wants me to go with the latter. Who knows what are his plans for me when i'm out of the army. I know it's music but i need a clearer picture and much of his reassurance.

I've been dying to do some decent practicing as i finally have a day 'off' tomorrow from work. That means i can sleep late, wake up later and have more free time to settle and plan many many things. Speaking of which, i need a new planner and i shall get that tomorrow. Not to mention sending out a list of invites, setting up my acoustic guitar, restring my electric guitar, get some errands done, go for a jog and be early for my eye medical appointment.

Till then.

Psalms 73

2011-05-19T22:41:00.004+08:00

¹ Surely God is good to Israel,

to those who are pure in heart.

² But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
³ For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

⁴ They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.^[a]
⁵ They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
⁷ From their callous hearts comes iniquity^[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
⁸ They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
¹⁰ Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.^[c]
¹¹ They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”

¹² This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

¹³ Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
¹⁴ All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.

¹⁵ If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
¹⁶ When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
¹⁷ till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

¹⁸ Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
¹⁹ How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
²⁰ They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

It's kinda weird. I've seen friends and strangers who prosper further the more they sin. This logic doesn't make sense right? Over time, i'm quite ashamed to say that this made me doubtful and i envied these people of the world.

I've always been unable to comprehend why this is the case. But now i know, i'll just be faithful and continue to guard my heart. Actually, at this point of time. I don't even want anything from this world at all. Besides, what is more important than being near to God. I only pray that my strength will be found in Christ and not in the failures and disappoints that are tearing me down.

They may be happy, carefree and have everything else that i am longing to have or lack. But i know, living without all these things or waiting for the right time will be worth it. I would not have labored in vain.

I'll just stick to doing the right thing and not be greedy. God, i believe that you'll bless me with something better or whatever that you deem apt for me.

Penning it all down

2011-05-03T00:46:00.010+08:00

Recently, in the mist of doing some boring administration work in the office, I took out a tiny piece of scrap paper from the bin and decided to pen down some issues and problems that i was currently facing with. They amounted to 9 little categories and some were really problems with dead ends that has been dragging for far too long for me to pretend that they didn't exist.

Unintentionally, i used that piece of paper as a bookmark for Max Lucado book that i was currently reading titled, Cast of Characters. Common people in the hands of a uncommon God. Truly what happen next was amazing.

Each time or almost daily when i pick up this book to read, i would look through all the 9 items on my 'bookmark' first. I would then proceed to commit all 9 of these issues that were hindering me to God. It is quite sad to say that this was actually my last option to attempt to solve all 9 of those issues that i was currently facing.

But anyhow, i would really want to thank God for helping me to solve 3 out of these 9 issues that i had so far! They're rather private and this blog is not privatized so i guess they will be safer in my head and on the bookmark. But really. God is good. He opened doors and gave me answers through unexpected means. Even through the book i was reading. I really want to encourage all to put their faith in him if they want to see themselves grow or to do greater things. Why always worry about the impossible. When Peter walked on water and stumbled when he glance at his feet, God said to him "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" We should remember to keep our eyes on God instead of the obstacles we're facing.

Okay this might be abrupt but i got to run. I really want to share more about his goodness but i'm currently trying to comfort a good friend of mine. My time and thoughts should be navigated there.

Goodbye.

Dreaming dreams.

2011-04-28T20:13:00.013+08:00

Why demand answers with improperly constructed, agenda filled, sarcastically phrased questions? After all, the answer that pleases one the most is one that defines what one wants to hear. If one have selective listening over advices and is as stubborn as a sod, how can one who truly wants to help even have any even basis to discern what one needs help in?

Who shares my dreams of this world but myself? I am still in the search for people who's strongly passionate to do something for Singapore's music industry. It's never about the race, age, gender or even down to your skills/talent. I just need one who truly loves music and understands it as it being one with life. I can't really put that description well in words but i guess i can identify you if you have what it takes.

I've always wanted to start a band. A band with friends. No secrets kept from each other, loving music wholeheartedly, making good music and just simply having fun doing what we love. All with the same common goal.

My prayer to you,

God, I'm asking you to use me greatly. I want to be use by you to do something worthy for your cause, even if it's just me alone. Anoint me more with your spirit and gifts so that i can improve faster and do more with what little i have. I know, without you, i can never reach my fullest potential.

Teach me to obey you and to continue to read your word more and more daily. I know you're preparing me for something big ahead. My vision is getting clearer so as my ORD date is coming nearer. I am already getting a glimpse of what you have installed for me.

Please humble me too. I apologize for being so fickle at times and even to the extent of doubting you time and again. I speak arrogantly with my words and cause uncessary hurt to others without the intention of doing so. Make my words not poison to others but be of those that is filled with love, encouragement and honesty. Fill me with much wisdom and compassion and to understand your graciousness with a heart of gratitude.

I can never thank you enough for everything that have ever happened to me.

In your Almighty name i pray,

Amen.

Rescue me

2011-04-13T00:12:00.009+08:00

A short post depicts an angry me.

I confess i'm not perfect and i know i'm at fault for repeating this mistake.

But it will all end here today.

I feel so powerless and limited.

Truly, no one understands but you.

How can i love the unlovable?

How can i attempt to enjoy something i hate?

How can i not be tempted each day by the devil and fall prey to him?

How can i be the one that is righteous and remain blameless to all?

No words can describe how i feel. Neither will i let words or emotions make me pen down nonsensical things in a moment of folly. I use to do that but i've learned my lesson.

Perseverance is the key. My hope is in you, my trust is in you.

When everything comes crashing down, when all i know falls to the ground, when darkness comes in i can say, you're always there to rescue me.

Revival

2011-04-07T00:11:00.009+08:00

Just a short one to keep this layer of dust away.

With recent thoughts about how fast paced life has been, I've gained new insights again.

For the past couple of months or so, i have this routine of packing up at office at 5.15pm, get changed by 5.23pm, visit the loo at 5.25pm, head to this shuttle bus that i take daily before it leaves at 5.33am. The shuttle bus will then arrive at Tanah Merah ideally before 6.04am so that i can take the 6.06pm bus service 45 and be home by 6.20am.

However, as much as i try my best to keep to this schedule of mine, i cannot control the weather, heavy traffic and the last minute workloads that my boss throws at me to aid me in reaching home later than usual.

This made me ponder on how it is identical with the way of life. Many a times, things are far beyond our control. As best as we would always attempt to keep ourselves fit and healthy, it is no surprise that we will all die one day, sooner or later. If you realize, we can do only this much because not everything is within our means and grasp. Take note, human beings have limitations but the one above doesn't.

Often in life, we try to take control of it, do it our way but still it doesn't tend to seem quite right. This is because we do not have the authority or power to do so. I realized that God just wants to put this in my face clearly today, have more faith in him and stop trying to do things my way and start trusting in him.

I need the faith to walk the talk, leave more things in the hands of God and stop trying to plan every single thing in my life by myself. My future is already decided anyway. God's way will always be the best but often, not the easiest. I have to bear that in mind. Etching it onto my brain or tattooing it somewhere visible would be good.

Appreciate having a great talk with Samuel today too. I love his burning desire and passion to see how we can grow as a group and in time to come, as a church. Remember to always take initiative to lead for we are man and it's our nature to lead. Not just made of bones, flesh and whatever sciency fancy names people has for our body.. but we are man of God!

Cheers!

And i'm happy that people are actually reading this. Feel free to comment.

Goodnight and good morning in 6 hours.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for Friday. I have to do some debating with a medical officer. God please be with me and provide me with wisdom and persuasive words.

Accepting reality

2011-03-22T01:14:00.007+08:00

Many things are beyond our control. We can't choose what we like all the time. Things happen, life goes on.

I'm just pretty intrigued by the fact that how our subconscious state often allows us to make our desires turn into reality for just that short span of time when we're asleep.

I'm also deeply disturbed by the fact that there's a possibility that it will come to pass despite the chances being close to zero.

I'm just so curious how we humans actually function. How do our mind perceive thoughts into dreams and how is it even possible for it to have a continuation night after night.

Maybe Acts 2:17 is coming to pass. The end is nearing.

So many questions as usual, but so few answers. Science is bullshit. I need God so badly.

I know so little. How i wish i have the ability to do things that are not within my means. The bible describes it as miracles. If only.

I'm just hoping for us. I know you have heard stories about me.

They're true.

For the rest that have eyes on me like I'm a criminal and own negative thoughts towards me,

I'm sorry but lets not be friends anymore.

You'll know when you'll know. I am of no interest to you all anyway.

Do not live in regret

2011-03-07T00:53:00.006+08:00

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain

I hate it when people diss me when i say i want to be a musician. What so great about being a scientist or a doctor? Everyone has their own ambition and it's not an impossible dream like being spiderman or some kickass superhero. I do hope the people around can be more respectful and sensitive. Education can only bring you to a certain level. Studying doesn't assure you a secured or fulfilling life. God does. And if you're talking about financial issues. I will assure you that i will strive to do my best and earn good money.

I've known since the first day i picked up the guitar that this is what i want to do. God has always been a great influence in my playing although there were times i strayed. I've always wanted to do great things with music but i am not given a chance.

I'm sick of people telling me they regret not doing this and that and that's why, i've decided that i need to at least give it a shot. At least when i fail, i know i have tried.

Random,

You know, we should always live life in anticipation of the second coming. Giving our best in serving and glorifying God. So i'm not wasting anymore time and neither should you.

Wake up.

But for now, its time to sleep.

All Glory goes to him

2011-03-03T21:05:00.005+08:00

Virtuoso

A major US newspaper has called Christopher Parkening “the leading guitar virtuoso of our day, combining profound musical insight with complete technical mastery of his instrument.” There was a time, however, when Parkening gave up playing the guitar professionally. At the height of his career as a classical guitarist, he retired at age 30, bought a ranch in Montana, and spent his days fly-fishing. But early retirement did not bring him the satisfaction he had hoped for.

Then during a visit to California, he was invited to a church where he heard a clear presentation of the gospel. Of this he wrote: “That night I lay awake, broken over my sins. . . . I had lived very selfishly and it had not made me happy. . . . It was then that I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life, to be my Lord and Savior. For the first time, I remember telling Him, ‘Whatever You want me to do with my life, Lord, I’ll do it.’”

One of Parkening’s favorite verses is 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Therefore, . . . whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” He has taken up the guitar again, but this time with the motivation to glorify God.

Each of us has been given gifts; and when we use them for God’s glory, they bring satisfaction and joy.

- Our Daily Bread

I can identify with the article above. Recently i got lost in my journey as a musician. Thankfully, i found the reason to play like i use to again. I'm going to give my best for the kingdom of God for i believe he has great plans for me as a musician!

Jeremiah 29:11 - ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

With the recent sermons on love. I've gain new insights and have truly regretted bearing grudges and hatred towards people. There's this troll in my office that i really hate and countless others who've had put me in a tough spots several times. However, I've realized today that no matter how bad to the core a person might be, he/she will always have a good and loving side. Be it to family or close friends or even their pets. Nobody wants to be bad or evil, it's just takes more effort to be loving and forgiving. Like what P. jeff said, our reflection of our love for others shows how much we truly love God. I strongly believe if i return love instead of hatred towards those that are mean towards me, it will strike them that there's something different about me and this might actually lead them towards a deeper understanding on love.

The recent sermon also spoke to me about the different types of love. "Tough" love sometimes appears to be irritating or often, interpreted wrongly. But it's all for the good of us. Our parents scolds us when we neglect our priorities in life all because they care. Do not hate God and his people for what they're trying to do because their intentions might be good. The wrong method might be use but i believe they are just trying to mould one to become a better person.

Lastly before i play the Charvel, I'm sorry if i yelled or bit anyone of you. I acknowledge my mistakes and i want to be more accepting towards others. Human's nature is sinful. I thank God for true friends, a wonderful and caring family and for God himself, who have never failed me although i've failed him countless times. I'm so blessed to be able to turn back and face my past mistakes and learn over them. This is really a second chance that i'll seize well.

If you're reading this. Do note that your unwillingness to help others doesn't mean that they are unwilling to help you. Do not be shallow in love for it reflects your character.

TGIF. Looking forward to Saturday service and jam. I pray that God will bless me with more wisdom in my decisions in life and for a decently paid weekend job.

Cheeros.

More thoughts

2011-02-15T17:48:00.010+08:00

Hi fellas. I seek forgiveness for the previous two immature posts. I've taken them down now.

Anyhow, I've been wondering about many things while recuperating at home.

Firstly, I'm extremely curious on why someone that excels so well academically can behave like a total.. bad person. I can only conclude that studying/getting good results doesn't really play a role in making wise decisions or getting yourself on the right side of the law. Just read the newspapers and you will see. You cannot 'study' everything away. It's never smart in the first place to think you will be able to outsmart your body by bottling and stacking everything anyway. It's pure stupidity if you ask me. What an irony. Smart but stupid. You know, even the smartness person on earth can make a mistake so don't ever think thicker paper qualifications with distinctions means anything. Maybe except for a job? Screw you and your superiority race mindset if you have one.

Secondly, i've come to realize that i shouldn't always be putting my hopes and trusts on people too much. After all, the only person who can truly help yourself the most is.. yourself. If you refuse to have the mindset or to start anew, no one else can help you even if God appears in front of you. You got to agree with me on this. People change, people fail you but God haven't. I've learn through many false friendships that it's gracious to love the people who hate you but never even be taken as a fool. I'm trying to learn more about loving in depth so please be patient with me.

Thirdly, I've had some musical advancements and i've gained a new vision. I will elaborate on them next time. Just to keep it sweet. I've found the reason for music again. God is good!

An advice to all before i go for dinner. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Step on my tail and i'll step on your head this time. - unknown

Cheers!

Time to start afresh and never look back. No matter how i detest and hate you to the very core. I will let bygones be bygones today. I think i just swore at you in my head and i will bear in mind it will be the last.

I've got a plan

2011-01-31T00:59:00.007+08:00

Hi fellas.

I'm getting sick of festivals that don't really mean a thing to me. Maybe's it's just me being void. But you've got to agree with me on this. Many people have the impression being imprinted on them that a new year gives them a new start. Don't you think this is simply just another wishful thinking of their part hoping for a better tomorrow?

But yet again, we're all living in the name of hope right? If we're never looking forward to something greener on the other side, we'll all just be emotionless beings living life as it is and wasting life as it will be. In most instances, the purpose of living will be deemed as you know.. unnecessary too.

Hi, that's me I'm talking about.

I've regretted having my hopes too high up. It's best to settle for less. Really.

You know, I'm not being suicidal. I just need to have a new vision or goal to work towards. I'd put everything behind me in an attempt to start anew.

So, give me a chance would you?

Why?

2011-01-27T00:40:00.008+08:00

I feel so incompetent today. I can't get anything right when i practice. Why must others be so talented? Or.. Why must i be so untalented.

Sometimes, i just feel like giving it all up.

Every weekday, i have to wake up earlier than many because of the inaccessibility of my camp. The daily routine would be to waste half of my day reducing a never ending work load which involves a high level of mental stress. The reason being I'm some low rank piece of. that does the hardest work and get paid the lowest. When it's time to leave, i have to pay heavily for a shuttle bus transport that alights me 4 bus stops from home. Often, I have to take a 20minutes hike, feeling extremely fatigue when i reach home.

Wait. Correction. Actually, it goes like this. Feeling fatigue, i have to take a 20mins hike back home because the frequency from the bus service is so fucked up. Although my father wrote in to complain, nobody gives a shit. Who in the right mind would place the only 2 bus services that leads to a small road to arrive at the same stipulated time down to the seconds? If anyone staying along that stretch happens to miss that two buses which always comes together, they have to wait for a good 15-20minutes which is nearly me, reaching home from taking a hike and saving so much time and in long term, money.

Upon reaching home and washing up, i will always have great difficulty in picking up the guitar to practice. Not because i hate playing it so much but mainly because, i know i have to practice although i feel like sleeping. And why? That's because it's my life long ambition to be a musician. And why is it getting harder and harder for me to become one? I'm always not at my best while practicing. Although i put in so much effort daily to simply just learn something new, the results hasn't been very pleasing lately. Paper cuts and bruises on my hands thanks to the things that i do at work. I cannot even practice well even if i had the energy to.

So, after what always seem like minutes while I'm practicing, hours passed on earth. It's 1230am today. 1am yesterday and 2.30am the day before. The same old feeling will then start to creep in and haunt me. The usual headache that is telling me to hit the sheets, closing eyes that are bloodshot red and for today, a bad sore throat that hurts horribly. Still, i simply can't bring myself to sleep because after doing a quick recap of my day, i realized it hasn't been very fruitful yet again. Although I will be lying on my bed trying to sleep, my mind will be making a list of to-dos in an attempt to make a better tomorrow. I will then do a self evaluation for the day and it will be damn demoralizing.

As you all know when one is preoccupied with thoughts emotionally, time will fly ever faster and before one knows it, alarm clocks around the neighborhood will be audible.

Now you all know why I dread to sleep so much during the weekdays. Besides feeling it's a waste of time to sleep because i haven't done anything meaningful throughout the entire day, I have to wake up to my own nightmare everyday till the weekends, where i can at least find a little time to get myself some rest and back on track. But, before i know it, it's always Monday again. Seriously. 418 days more. I do hope i make it. I hate this life and many other things that i wouldn't state here because i don't want to be in a cell.

I always feel better after ranting here. Time to try to hit the sheets again. I miss you.

Friends?

2011-01-24T23:51:00.022+08:00

5% battery life left. Let me be blunt and quick.

I wasn't born to be the most intellectual person but after 20 years of experience with human interaction and the observation of their behavioral changes with or without motives, i can easily conclude one's intention to impress, engage or make a mockery out of another.

I don't want to boast that i have an eye for discerning. However, all the things that i've worried that will come to pass or have seen to come, have all came true. The only saddening thing is that no one gives two hoots about it till it happens or for some matters, still ongoing.

Anyway, I don't see why does it seem so difficult for you people to just be who you are? I hate to be judgmental and touch on this issue but I seriously despise people who are not themselves when they're with the opposite gender. Bitches alike that act like flirtatious sluts and fags that act like they're dying to get laid, if you know what i mean. I don't even want to get started about people trying so hard to get accepted into society or being all competitive by having a false character.

Anyhow, just so you know, every good film act will eventually come to an end just like your subjective character. When we're back to reality and when you cannot match up to who 'you' were. Then i will be worried for you even if you're not. I've seen many like you fall and never come back. Trust me, i know.

In my humble opinion, the only thing one can do to be genuinely different is to be at his/her best. not being someone else. We're all made differently so please, i beg you. Be yourself, love yourself for who you are and people around you will do the same. Be at your best and I'm sure people will see the efforts from the real you.

So, the take home lesson for the rest today would be,

Please open your eyes wide when you're with your colleagues, schoolmates, churchmates or whoever that you call friends. Are they really your friends? What are their motives? How can you ever be so sure that this human being that you acknowledge as a friend will always be getting your back? Are they making use of you? Is one your friend because one needs to be? Or is one your friend because he/she truly loves you for who you are made to be? Think hard and then think harder again. What are the motives of the people around you? Do not make choices because you are blinded by favoritism or by relationship. Know your friend like an enemy and victory in terms of happiness will be on your side.

If you're finally using your wisdom or have already gained sufficient insights, by now, you would already be making a 'stay-away from' list in your head after rethinking about certain people who are with you for a reason/motive or both. Especially for those with leadership capabilities or are leading people or used to be leading. I'm amused that you can be so ignorant and be oblivious to the obvious in the past. Moreover when it's in your face.

So.... in your face again!

With that, and two creepy cats fighting outside my house, i will enter into a time of slumber.

Good night good people and you.

Elated to be able to know you're doing fine.

Edited: Wow, i wrote this in 5%. Pardon any grammatical errors, spelling or wrong usage of vocabulary. I admit my English Language is only fair.

Year 2011

2011-01-17T00:13:00.003+08:00

I just realized i've forgotten about this space. This might be due to the fact that life has been rather good to me. Time really flies. Seriously. Just what seem like months ago, I wanted to be a Slash by age 20. I failed terribly. There was a period of time too that I wanted to be a good steward and leader for God. I failed miserably. And last but not least, I wanted to keep fit. I failed miserably terribly.

I guess goals and resolutions don't count much unless you truly mean it. So.. I've decided that i'm not going to do this 'plan my year thing' this year because i believe i will look back at it the following year and past it off for the next. Sigh. Yeah i know.

Okay, i have a confession i would like to make today. I am a shopaholic/spendthrift. I still suck at taking buses, resisting the temptation of a slash featured magazine, sweet creamy sounding effect pedals and yummy looking fretboards. So i guess, just like how that girl in Confessions of a Shopaholic decides to sell her load of boutique stuffs away, i got to reluctantly do the same.

Let me do a stock take.

1) Goosoniqueworx Citrus - $180

2) Ibanez tubesceamer ts-9dx - $150

3) Malekko Echo Delay - $190

4) Squier Jagmaster - $550

Okay. Time to post these on sale online. That's all for today.

Tomorrow will be another busy day at work. I can't wait for CNY so that i can throw my workload back to someone else. On the bright side, Friday is half day. Alright. Okay.

Cheers to my stupid mouth.

Back in black

2010-12-24T06:48:00.005+08:00

Hi fellas.

It's good to be back on hot humid Singapore. The trip to Europe has really been an eye opener and also for many first times. Being on the highest mountain in Europe, experiencing -25 degrees with insane wind, visiting the largest church in the world, setting foot on the only state surrounded by water, looking at Mona Lisa face to face, being on top of the Eiffel Tower and many others that i cannot remember at this point of time.

It's truly a well deserved break i reckon. Not from work but rather, from music and instruments. Too much of something might not be good at times and breaks like this help me to get my morale back on and my passion burning more. Speaking of which, i ordered a new guitar on impulse.. But let's not talk about that for now.

Currently, I'm contemplating on whether i should head over to Sentosa to play captain's ball and spend time with my camp mates at 0830hours. I've not been feeling too well since i reached Singapore. The jet lag is killing me and not sleeping on the plane makes it seem like i've been awake for 24hours or more. Somehow, i caught a flu somewhere along the South China Sea or whatever ocean that the plane was flying across too. I decided to see a doctor on Wednesday the minute i touched down but she wasn't very kind. If you know what i mean.

Anyway, it's Christmas eve already. Time really flies and i have to.. decide in the next 5minutes if i should go.

Happy Christmas friends and foes!

To do list before leaving

2010-12-08T23:50:00.005+08:00

Hi homies. I'll be leaving on Friday night to Europe. It has really been a long wait. I'm pretty excited because it's not everyday that you get to see the other end of the world right? However, they say Internet there is extremely expensive so i reckon i won't be updating this space for the next few weeks. Just so you know.

I've a big list of things to do tomorrow.

1) Collect new spectacles at Bedok.
2) Attend a lunch date with my branch at POMO.
3) Go to City Music to test the Ovation before i decide on getting it.
4) Get my Stephen King books from HMV.
5) Get some dvds from HMV.
6) Get replacement parts for my electric guitar at Peninsula Plaza.
7) Hunt for a wah and bigger pedalboard at Bras Basah.
8) Get some grade 1 piano book from Sweelee, Bras Basah.

and then head home to finalize the packing. It's gonna be damn cold over there thanks to the snowstorm in Paris. I really need thicker clothes.

I pray that God will keep us all safe and we'll have a great time and memory of this trip. Do keep my family and I in prayer too.

See you all in awhile, crocodiles. Happy Christmas in advance!

Thoughts to be put into words

2010-12-06T00:06:00.007+08:00

Hi kids.

I dedicated the post below to a wonderful song that contains wonderful lyrics written by Journey. You know i really agree with the song. It's hard to get someone to truly follow you when all you want to do is to give up on education and start a music career. Sometimes, i myself find that I'm unworthy towards anyone because why get the ones you love to go the long road with you and make them suffer. I would rather suffer and see them go happily ever after. If you know what i mean.

Anyway, i really want to thank God for pulling me to town on a Saturday night. I overslept for service for a stupid reason but somehow, i decided that going to town to meet my groupies for dinner and head out to jam would be a good idea. However, on my way to town, good o' sammy buzz me telling me that there was a prayer meet at 9pm. My first thought obviously, was to prioritize jamming. But, another side of me know that i should be at this prayer meet. True enough, this prayer meet really made me feel the tangible presence of God once again. I didn't want to be at the front, I preferred to be at the back alone ranting and praying to God simultaneously. I strongly agree with Leanne when she said, God will be able to reach out to every single one of us no matter where we stand in the auditorium. I was seriously at a lost for words after that prayer meet. I've never prayed for someone, have someone prayed over me for a long long time. I really appreciate it. Prayer truly work wonders and God works in many ways.

So as of today, like what i've said many times i presume, I want to get back on track, make life worthwhile, live by the word and be a righteous person that gains the favor of only one true God. It's always difficult to start anew but i guess, everyone will have to start somewhere, someday or somehow. I would like to just start with the heart of worship. Back to the fundamentals. Why rush up the ladder when quality is the essence to build your character?

Good night, Sunday.

I wish i wouldn't bump into you that often. It breaks my heart more to be reminded that there will never be a we. Sometimes i wished i could be of help. Well, just to let you know, I'll always be there for you.

Yours faithfully

2010-12-05T23:58:00.005+08:00

Highway run into the midnight sun.
Wheels go round and round,
You're on my mind.
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight,
Sending all my love along the wire.
They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family.
Right down the line it's been you and me.
And loving a music man
ain't always what it's supposed to be.

Girl
you stand by me
I'm forever yours,
faithfully

Not just another Friday

2010-12-04T00:32:00.006+08:00

Hi fellas.

Firstly i want to question the doctors in Singapore. Why are the ones at CGH more concern on whether I'm here for MC while all they should be bothered is.. why can't they get my eye problem solved? Thanks to their wise judgment, I am now on mc for quite a long period of time. SON OF A.

Anyhow, my mother held her annual childcare concert at NEXUS Auditorium this year. It would be my first time helping out as a son. Yeah i know. I'm so ashamed of it but it's better to be late then never sometimes. I'm just very thankful that although there were many hiccups and last minute situations, the concert ended well and the feedback were good. I appreciate all the kind people and relatives that were present to help my mother out. And all glory goes to God for this one! It was really a success and it was actually kinda funny too as my polytechnic care person's son was one of the child performing there and he was there himself. Not really the few faces i would want to see BUT.

Random thought.

Recently, I'm very pleased with myself. I see myself getting somewhere in guitar thanks to the time i had as I'm on MC. I'm so excited for guitar lesson tomorrow.

Okay, bed time in 5

4
3
2

Okay, to-do list!

Repair guitar strap buttons. :(
Get a cool grade one piano book.
Get some Stephen King books to accompany on my 13 hours flight to Europe.
Test some acoustic guitars.
Check out for good guitar deals and grab those that are on crazy sale.

1.
0.
Boomz.

Wisdom and insights

2010-12-01T00:03:00.006+08:00

Just a quick one.

I'm kinda annoyed with the fact that i've very little time on hand to do things that i like. I spend 3 hours a day traveling, close to 10 hours in camp and i sleep for about 7 hours daily. Often, when i reach home, i feel too exhausted to do anything.

BUT, no more will this ever happen. Instead of whining so much and wasting further time ranting.. I've decided to spend every single second wisely. I see myself as an aspiring musician who's very unsuccessful. I'm neither talented nor as young as before. I just know that every single day that i waste will drift me a day further from my dream. I'm going to put in more effort with Mr Metronome and to be awesomely awesome at guitar,drums and keys.

After today's meeting in church which i didn't really intend to attend initially, i felt something different. I had this feeling and surge in me that wanted to go back to the days where i was much closer to God. God really has been so good to me in many ways after all. Say, I happen to make friends with an officer and he sends The Daily Bread through email to a group of people who wish to 'subscribe' daily. It really is a privilege reading the word of God during office hours especially when it refreshes your thoughts and charges you.

Okay. The favorite quote of the day would be, "What did Jesus do? rather then What would Jesus do?"

AND, random joke to end it off.

"There are 10 types of people in this world. People who understands binary and people who don't."

You get it if you get it!

Good night you. 3 seconds stare rule.

Trust in You

2010-11-23T21:38:00.003+08:00

Hi Miss Blogspot.

I had a hard time restraining myself from writing for the past few days. I didn't want to pen down my sorrows and rant like a little girl like i use to do many a times. It doesn't do anyone any good and i don't want to look back at my foolish self, regretting once again.

Sighe. Life is really being a pain to me. Much worse then this throbbing headache.

Anyhow, I just wanted to keep this video in my blog. It's a song that has encouraged me greatly today after i chanced upon it on facebook. May it be a blessing to all who are not feeling as awesome as they're suppose to be.

Once upon a time

2010-11-20T00:24:00.011+08:00

Hi kiddos. Some history about myself.

Do you know when i was 18, young and naive, i secretly made a pact with myself? I wanted to accomplished 3 main things by the age of 20.

1) To be performing and be successful in the music scene, doing crazy guitar solos like my guitar idols.

2) Strike TOTO, 4D or some kind of jackpot at least one.

3) Be righteous and blameless so that no one will be able to find fault with me.

Now, 20, slightly younger at heart, less naive and disillusioned, I've come to see the flaws in what i thought were the things that i wanted.

a) I am not a music prodigy and neither am i genius enough to pick up an instrument to play it professionally within 2 years.

b) I've come to realized that it's acceptable to live with hope but not with luck.

c) Why should i give a flying pancake about people's opinion when everything i do is for the audience of one?

After re-reading what I've just typed, i came up with one self made statement that can be concluded as a.. conclusion.

"Dreams need not be met, blood need not be shed, remember what the bible have said."

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I just want to be a better person.

To-Do list for the rest of November.

1) Get the 21 Korean consonants memorized.
2) Get the scales over and done with.
3) Continue running twice a week, gym once a week.
4) Be more committed to God and my church.

I might need a little help here. So you know what to do when you see me doing something unproductive, behaving in an unlikely manner or eating a double cheese burger at midnight.

Alright, time to snooze so that i can seize the Saturday well.

NIGHT.

FIrst Post

2010-11-17T23:48:00.009+08:00

Hi fellow marshmallows. After much thoughts about life. I've decided that i need to get things right and back on track. Writing does help me in organizing my thoughts better and i, just like many of you, want to strive to be that perfect human being in our creator's eyes.

You know, there are many things that i wish to share but it's well past bed time. So, i guess will have to leave the story telling for another day. I do hope i will update this faithfully with not only lengthy posts, but with posts that are beneficially meaningful to myself and others around me.

Just so you know, God is good to me and I'm still thinking about you.

Random.

17th November, Grand Dad's birthday at Imperial Treasure. $100 per head. But it was totally worth it.

18th November, Back to work. $1 per hour. Totally not worth it. Right? RIGHT? Hi 5 to all who agrees hatefully but are giving the "we do not have a choice" face.

Oh, and I dig the phrase, "At least we're all in this shit together."

Night.